Broncos dominated and humiliated by Jets

In what should be a surprise to absolutely nobody, the Broncos lost to the Jets today, 34-16. And had it not been for a miraculous tackle at the 1 yard line by Courtland Sutton, New York’s Marcus Maye would have taken a Case Keenum interception 104 yards to the house and made it 40-16. But alas, he could not not, and so as time expired he was left with the longest non-scoring INT in NFL history.

  Say hello to our worst loss so far.

Say hello to our worst loss so far.

What’s sad is that I was rooting for Maye to complete his journey so that the Jets would be the first team to hang 40 points on the pathetic 2018 Broncos. While that might sound traitorous to Denver faithful, I know in my heart that when opposing teams hang 40 on the Broncos, the fanbase gets seriously agitated, which means that Vance Joseph’s termination of employment grows nearer and nearer.

And similar to how devout Christians study modern day events and draw parallels to the events depicted in the book of Revelation—events that herald the day of Christ’s return to Earth, I now look forward to opponents—even division rivals—dropping an obscene amount of points on my beloved team. Those are my signs that the merciful end is near.

But let’s talk about today’s game; or rather, let me throw some bullet points down for you that highlight just how pathetic this loss was:

  • Denver’s supposedly “championship caliber” defense allowed 500+ yards of offense.

  • 323 of those 500+ yards of offense were allowed on the ground.

  • While his numbers (10/22 for 198 yards) weren't great, Sam Darnold tossed three TDs against the Broncos “Free Fly Zone.”

  • Case Keenum and the Denver offense looked flaccid, flailing and completely inept, scoring their 2nd lowest amount of points so far this season.

  • Colby Wadman, former pizza delivery boy turned Broncos’s punter, looked mediocre and, at one point, booted a 20 yard turd.

  • As the Jets’ momentum surged, Denver was unable to respond, opting instead for a fetal position strategy—a signature trait of the Joseph-coached Broncos.

  • Unsurprisingly, Vance “Please Fire Me Now” Joseph looked out of his depth as he frowned, grimaced and looked like an all-pro idiot on the sidelines.

At this point, it’s fair to say that Gary Kubiak farting into a Bose headset would do a better job getting results from this pathetic team of underachievers.

So with five games in the books, what can we objectively and factually say about the 2018 Broncos? Well…

  1. They can’t win at home against good teams. Proof: the Chiefs game.

  2. They can’t win on the road against okay teams: Proof: Jets and Ravens games

  3. They can win at home against okay/bad teams. Proof: Seahawks and Raiders games.

Inspiring, isn’t it?

I offer my sincerest condolences for those of you that haven’t already listed your Broncos tickets on StubHub, because the secret (ha!) is out about these Broncos: the death spiral has begun.